(((((((((((((((((Cassi)))))))))))))))) I hope you'll be feeling stronger every day, and much better overall from now on!!!!!!!!
You are loved!!!
hugs,
essie
Ghost of Esmeralda
JoinedPosts by Ghost of Esmeralda
-
17
Thank you all!!! Thanks is far from enough!
by Cassiline ini can't begin to thank you all enough for the outpouring of kindness shown to me in the last several weeks.
words just do not seem to be enough to thank you all for the flowers, phone calls, cards, gift certificates etc.
you all are too kind.
-
-
-
12
For those who have lost a child
by Lady Lee inone other group who are mother's but never had the chance to hold their child are those who have lost a child.
some because they chose to give their child up for adoption.
others because of miscarriage or stillbirth.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
Redneck, I have tears in my eyes right now. I can't imagine what you and your wife must still be going through. I'm so very, very sorry. (((((((((((((Redneck, Mrs. Redneck)))))))))
hugs,
essie
-
8
Witnesses Shouting in the City Streets ...
by dedalus in... except it quickly developed that they weren't witnesses at all.. weekends i sometimes work at a television station in downtown hartford, ct. depressed urban area, starbucks and subways and mcdonalds scattered like dirty coins beneath towering insurance buildings.
anyway, on my breakfast break i left the station, walked down to the convention center, and across the street from wendy's i saw two young men who, at a glance, strongly resembled witnesses or mormons -- they were wearing the cookie-cutter jc penney poly-synthetic-discount-clearance suits, and held large leather bibles in their hands.
one had a dark, cropped, curly beard.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
Hi there Dedalus,
Just discovered this thread, been busy this weekend...
Ah, the days of streetcorner work. I always hated approaching people to preach to them, period, but at least if we were on a public street, and not their porch, I felt I had some valid right to be there.
I was always quick, to the point...they knew who I was, I knew they weren't interested lol and I never tried to hold onto them. I knew I was fighting a losing battle.
We really don't have many outdoor/street preachers here. Maybe it's cause the weather is too cold most of the year lol. Many churches have taken to sending fliers in the mail, and they always aggrivate me somehow, when I find them in with the other junk mail.
I wish I had something of value to offer in the way of insight, I'm particularly brain fried tonight (I know, my usual excuse lol)
I often wonder why some threads get more of a response, and other's don't. I'm surprised about this one...you are such a gifted writer, I can only hope that one day I'll be able to turn a phrase as stylishly as you.
hugs
essie
-
30
One of our daughters in law said this:
by Mulan inour daughter in law, tracey, who was never a jw, is a hair stylist.
i went to the place she works for a haircut the other day, and was telling her about the big party at joy and steve's last month.
we talked about a lot of things about the party, and then she said this:.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
I have wondered myself about being 'stuck' and not being able to let it go. I think the difference in people being able to completely move on and those of us who are always going to be 'recovering' exJw's is that those in the latter category have family still in, are dealing with being actively shunned on a daily basis.
I don't let it run my life, most days I don't even think about it. The only time I ever think of the word 'disfellowshipped' is when I'm here, or when something happens like the family event last week. The rest of the time, I honestly don't think about it much.
Don't know if that means anything, but I know that I have come a very long way from where I was three years ago, even if I have bad episodes, like last week...hope someday I'll be 'cured' even if the old scars are still there.
hugs
essie
-
12
For those who have lost a child
by Lady Lee inone other group who are mother's but never had the chance to hold their child are those who have lost a child.
some because they chose to give their child up for adoption.
others because of miscarriage or stillbirth.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
Lady Lee, you are a gem. Thank you for starting this thread!
I have so many friends who are struggling with fertility issues... as I did for a long time, and several who have just never had the chance to be biological mothers. Also those who have lost children to miscarriage, stillbirth, and by any other event and who are left many days very much feeling that they have been forgotten.
My heart is more with them today than with anyone else! To me, every woman who has ever nurtured, loved, or cared for the soul of another human being is a 'mother'. The word should be accepted worldwide as more of a verb than a noun.
Thank you so much for your post. For all those out there who are having a rough day...I have been there, and I remember. And today, I remember the two children I lost before they were born, they are no less my children than my daughter is. I think today should more be a celebration of women's contributions to the world, not just those who have given birth.
love,
essie
-
22
Need Help Designing a JW Barbie Doll
by worldlygirl inwhen i saw englishman's post about a theme for his "barbie", i thought he meant barbie doll.
duh!!
anyway, i was thinking what a jw barbie would look like.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
I had another idea! What about "Living a Double Life Skipper!"
Pioneer Barbie has a problem! She caught her little sister Skipper sneaking out her bedroom window, dressed like Christina Agueliera! She's off to meet Ken for a little late night fornicating.
Doll comes dressed in Sunday finest, but when you turn her scalp her hair has purple streaks , she has a navel ring, all that good stuff.
Gets busted in the back of Ken's minivan. Uh, call the elders!
(Elders Room at the Kingdom Hall sold seperately! Pregnancy scare Skipper also sold seperately. Some dolls not for use with some sets)
essie
-
22
Need Help Designing a JW Barbie Doll
by worldlygirl inwhen i saw englishman's post about a theme for his "barbie", i thought he meant barbie doll.
duh!!
anyway, i was thinking what a jw barbie would look like.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
Okay, I thought exactly the same thing about Englishman's topic title!
How about this one...give her a book bag, and call her "I don't care if I'm due any minute, I have to get my time in." Barbie...
Then there would be Elder Ken doll and his wife "Elderette"...
I could do a million of these...back later! LOL
essie
-
119
If Your JW Relative Needed Blood, Would You Force It On Them?
by minimus indue to the fact that most of us do not feel that it is scripturally wrong to take blood, if your relative was told that they needed a transfusion and you could see that they get it, even if it's against their wishes, would you force blood into them??
?
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
Only if it was my minor child. And she is a) too young to be a JW and b) too young to make up her own mind.
If it was an adult...no way. I have decided not to take 'recommended' therapies for various illnesses before (not talking about blood) and I wouldn't want anyone to force them on me! I know of what I speak too cause in this situation I knew my relative's wishes would have to be respected (luckily, he recovered without the blood)
If they're an adult, it's their right to choose. But with children...that's another story entirely.
~essie
-
15
My tribute to my grandmother
by Aztec inyesterday at 3:15 am my grandmother passed away.
she had pneumonia.
she fought it for weeks.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
(((((((((((Aztec))))))))))))) I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother!
hugs
essie
-
21
Melancholy, memories and lost moments
by Simon inif i close my eyes i can be in my grand-parents living room again.
it seemed so big when i was little but i wonder now how me and my sisters used to fit in it along with our cousins, our parents and our grandparents.
i remember the tiny little stool i used to sit on - liam sat on it last time we visited my grandad.. i can remember us all watching the morcambe and wise show on tv and going out to play the the back alley.
-
-
Ghost of Esmeralda
awww, Simon (((((((((((((Simon)))))))))))).
I can so relate to your post. Lately I have been very, very melancholy about my grandparents. I had one set that were' real' grandparents, one we saw only very rarely.
Of the close ones...my grandmother is in her eighties, and we very nearly lost her at the end of March. When I thought about a life without her, I literally felt like a four year old again. I cried for days. I wrote to her, told her that she could move in with us if she needed to (our place is small, but we'd work it out). She had been staying with relatives out of state when she took ill and just came home to my parents a couple weeks ago. When I have seen her since it's made me worry so much. She is frail now, suddenly I see her age where before I never, ever did.
When I wrote to her, I told her that I knew she hated doctors, and all she was going through, but I told her that I didn't care that I'm almost 32, I'm just not ready to be without my grandmother yet, so to please do her part and listen to them.
When I think of her, I'm four, and I remember her and my grandfather taking me home with them on Friday nights when my parents would be shouting at eachother and I'd bear the brunt of their frustrations cause I was the smallest...the grands would take me home, and if I close my eyes I can still remember the way their guest room smelled as I lay in that bed, the happiest child in the world, feeling safe, warm, and loved.
The combination of scents had to include the smell of my grandfathers' many suits which hung, freshly dry cleaned in the spare room closet. That with the leather of his bookbag, the smell of the books in his huge 'theocratic' library on the wallshelf...a hint of his cologne in the room and the fresh, clean, soft sheets and blankets which were so wrinkle free they had to have been pressed before the bed was made.
His desk was in that room. His typewriter. The faint smell of correction tape along with it. He wrote his talks in there. He was an elder all my life, but like none I ever knew before, or since. He helped everyone, and regardless of whether they were in the 'truth' or not. If someone had a need, he would just fill it. He was the most generous soul I ever knew.
That spare bedroom was 'his' room.
He and I were kindered spirits. He always expected more of me than of the other grandchildren. Not that he loved me any more, or them any less, there was just some connection between us that didn't seem to be there with the others. My grandmother said he expected more, because he knew I was capable of it.
When he died after a short, horrible illness when I was 11, our world fell apart. My mother had a nervous breakdown from which she never fully recovered. Granddad was the glue that held the family together, and without him, there became rifts, chasms, that still haven't been bridged to this day. Even between the JW members of the family.
I can't believe he's been gone 20 years. It seems like yesterday, and half the time when I see my grandmother I still expect to hear him come in the door a few moments later, his keys jingling, whistling. He always came in last because he'd drop her off at the door then park the car.
He was, simply, the best person I ever knew. He and my grandmother are the parents of my heart, they gave me love and affection that my own parents just couldn't muster, or were too young and immature to provide for me.
I too would love to go back to that time. I'd also have a few things to say to the child I was then. I'd make sure as hell sure that she knew that none of what was happening around her was fault. She was told it all was, repeatedly, even though I know now that it wasn't. Just as nothing that is happening between my ex and I, or ever has, is my daughter's fault.
When I was in therapy back in the early 90's, John Bradshaw was all the rage then. All that 'inner child' work. When my therapist had me try to do some exercises to go back and address things and heal that child, I told her the same thing, repeatedly. "I can't get in touch with her, that little girl is dead."
I never did get through that work. I went around it, found other ways to go back into my childhood and reason on things. But to me, that child is dead. My therapist actually cried that day.
I look at pictures of myself then, a girl with a different name, face, haircolor, and it is like looking at someone else. I can feel sorry for her looking at her in pictures, but when I think about her as being me, there is just nothing there. no emotion, just nothing.
I don't ever want my daughter to look back on her childhood and realize that the adults around her were too self absorbed to love her. And with the relationship that we have...at least I hope I'm on the right track.
So many memories. I really should write more about my grandfather. Remembering is like being with him, if only for a little while. And I take every chance I can get to see my grandmother, even though she isn't 'supposed' to see me.
She said I was the only one of her (many) grandchildren (all in the 'truth' but me) that offered to take her in and help pay for her medicines. Apparently, according to someone who knew, she slept with my letter under her pillow while she was getting better.
I don't know how long I'll have her with me. But I will hold onto her with both hands as long as I can. I simply do not know what I would do if she just wasn't there.
((((((((((((Simon)))))))))))) I hope I haven't depressed you more!!! Just wanted to let you know that you are most definitely not alone.
But hell, you know what? I am so glad I have those memories of them. Some kids dont' have anything good to remember at all, from the time they can remember back to. At least I have those moments, and I am grateful for them.
(((((((((((((Simon, Angharad and kids)))))))))))))))
love,
essie